[The views expressed in this post are my opinion]
Let’s cut to the chase here and tell it like it is – rather yell! I’m a yeller.
Yep, I’m a loving mom of three who totally yells at her kids.
You know the phrases all too well.
Don’t Eat That! Don’t Touch That!
Don’t Poop On The Floor!
...just the usual things one finds themselves yelling.
For anyone who has told me not to “yell” so much, I usually think in my head one of two things:
1. You have no idea what you are talking about.
2. I really wish it was acceptable to punch you in your face.
*Violence is not tolerated [obviously,] yet an inner monologue & face punch can sometimes feel really satisfying.
Now I know there are moms out there who keep their cool and always talk to their kids in a soft-spoken voice, maybe change their tone when it’s really necessary, but their voice never raises above a medium decibel level. I’d love to meet one of these moms, maybe they would have a lot to say to this post and much to teach me…or I would just go into my head space (noted above).
I’ve tried to limit the yelling. But a calm, “no, please don’t do that” really doesn’t get the point across that I don’t want said child coloring on the wall or dumping the entire dinner plate on the floor. These seem like very appropriate times for my voice to raise in volume and inflection.
Of course, then there’s the maddening yell that would stop anyone in their tracks – except for the toddler dashing full speed to the busy road. If I get just the right volume and tone, it will startle them enough to stop just before running into oncoming traffic. It’s usually enough time for me to catch up to them, grab their arm, and drag them back to the house yelling that the road is DANGEROUS and you can’t run into the street!
[& honestly if you’re not yelling in a moment like this, I may question your parenting methods all together.]
With that said, I can admit that I could probably yell less. I should know by now they are going to dump all the toys out of the baskets every morning. It’s really not worth the yell at this point. Same goes for when they get into the pantry and manage to bust open a sleeve of crackers and proceed to eat the whole thing. I should be commending this, right?! They were hungry, they were resourceful, and they for once in their life didn’t ask me 100 times for crackers. See I’m learning! No yelling necessary.
But here’s the thing I want to say to other moms out there yelling their precious little lungs out. IT’S ALL GOOD. Yelling is a normal response in trying to teach your kids how to behave, how to listen, how to respect the rules, how to stay out of danger. When there’s a fire, we are taught to yell FIRE! When there’s an attacker, we are taught to yell RUN! Yelling is a vital response to demanding an action we deem necessary. Usually it involves life saving measures, but really it’s a form of communication to call attention to the seriousness of the matter. I don’t want my children gouging each other’s eyes out, destroying property, or simply thinking they can do whatever they want. Yelling at times is vital and necessary to get my point across.
Now - maybe we can all tone it down a notch – but really my stance is it’s not that big of a deal. My kids are equally, if not more, showered with love and praise, hugs and kisses, and it’s not all yelling and disciplining. But while they are young kids and frequently little assholes, there’s a good amount of yelling, disciplining, and teaching going on that is necessary.
Yes, there are studies out there that would say otherwise, but there are studies out there that say you can potty train infants from birth; and my personal stance is that shit is crazy.
*Affiliated links are included in this post for which I receive compensation for.