I'm A Mean Mommy & I'm OK With It.
[The views expressed in this post are my opinion.]
I am a mean mommy. Sure I hear "I love you mama" and "you're the best" from time to time...but right now most of my days are filled with "you are the meanest mommy ever" followed by a dramatic foot stomp or door slam. Sometimes I say no to dessert, I say no to playtime after school, I say no to FIVE snacks, I say no to chocolate milk, I say no to going to bed late, I say no to iPad time and TV time, so yea...I am a mean mommy. And I'll have it noted, for all the times I say no, there are a whole lot of times I say YES. But a 6 yr old cannot recall all the yes times, it's the NO that brings on the drama and the inevitable name calling, hence I'm a MEAN MOMMY.
But here's the thing, I'm totally ok with it. I am not going to be the mom who lets my kids do anything and say anything so that I'm their favorite person and the coolest mom. I will say no, my kids will cry, and life will go on. I am not a pushover, although I have my weak moments - especially when they are loaded with snuggles and "I love you"s. I already fear my kids are too spoiled. They live without a want in the world and it scares me sometimes that they have become accustomed to having so much. At one point, I was so sick of my daughter saying she was "STARVING" that I sat her down and showed her images of starving children in Africa...Now I know this might have been too much, but I tell you what, she doesn't say she's "STARVING" all that often anymore.
So here's why I'm a mean mommy (and proud of it). I want my kids to hear no. I want my kids to earn privileges and things they want. I am determined to raise children who realize that they do not always get what they want and that they have to work towards achieving what they want (and even then sometimes it's not going to happen). I also want my children to (eventually) find value in the task itself and not just what it gets them or earns them, aiming for some form of altruism here. Now with a 6 yr old and even younger kids, this last one comes with time (if you're lucky).....
The point is I do not want to raise entitled children who only learn to do things for their own benefit, who come to expect a standard of living that most people have to work very hard for and make many sacrifices for. I believe, and it's my own personal belief, that being a "mean mommy" comes with the territory of raising appreciative and realistic kids. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make to hopefully raise kind and hard working human beings, who will also learn to cope with failure, disappointment, and simply not always getting what they want (even if they work really hard to try to get it). I do not presume to be the best parent out there (I'm far from it), and I believe all parents have to make their own decisions on how they choose to raise their kids, and the goals they set for themselves as parents.
But if you're at the point in your parenting life where you're a MEAN MOMMY (or daddy), then I want to say to you: that it's OK . Your kids may say hurtful things, but in my opinion if you're a mean parent (and not in the abusive way - that's unacceptable), then you're doing your job right. You are providing real life experience for your children and you should embrace that title. It's not easily earned. I sometimes think my life would be so much easier if I said yes more...but I'd be doing my children a disservice in the long run. So stay steadfast and let those MEAN MOMMY name callings roll right off your back, because it's going to be worth it.
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